9/6/13

Today I have a doctor's appointment at 2:30, I am hoping that they will tell me something new about Kiara. Last week they said she is low but no dilation yet, I hope they say she's a lot lower now because yesterday I had a lot of pelvic pain and every time I got up or walked around it felt really heavy on my pelvic. I am so excited that I am almost done with this. The only thing I am not looking forward to is that if she comes soon then I have to have 6 weeks off of school and I can't get all that work done before she's born, and I can bring homework home while I am at home but I don't think I will have the time, plus I wanna spend all the time I can with my baby girl. I am still a little scared to give birth but I know it has to happen and that I will do fine. I can do this.

Today.

Today I feel fine. Normally when I wake up I have pelvic pain anywhere from an hour to two hours after I wake up and today I feel more pain and its been like three hours since I had woken up, I think Kiara is going lower into the birth canal. I only have two weeks left so that makes since, I don't think she is coming early, I think she is going to be stubborn. I know for a fact my baby is not going to be small, every time the doctor measures my stomach she tells me that Kiara will not be a small baby. I guessed she would be 8 1/2 pounds and Jake is saying just 8 pounds. I was a big baby and they say normally your baby will be big depending on how big you and your partner were and I was 9 pounds and Jake was 7 pounds so it would make sense that she would be somewhere around 8 pounds. Jake says Kiara will come early but I don't think so, I think she will try to hold on for as long as she can. I just hope they don't have to induce me. I don't know what they do but I would rather my baby just come out when she's ready. If the time comes and she still says she's not ready then I will let them induce me and then have her come home. I've been ready for her since I first found out I was pregnant and now that I know I am close I want her now. I just hope she doesn't try to fight me lol.

Today Has It's Ups & Downs.

The up side of today is that a lady at the gas station saw me trying to pay for my fountain drink in change which wasn't bad it was only $1.06 and this lady behind me told the lady at the register to give me back my change and she did so but looked confused and then she demanded that the lady ring up her things along with mine and I asked her what she was doing because I was trying to pay for my drink and leave because I was late for school and she looked at me and said "I know what its like to be pregnant and today is going to be hot, I'm paying for your drink" and I said "thank you but its okay" and she just paid it and said "have a nice day."

The down side to today is that before the gas station trip I went to Mcdonald's because I wanted a large drink and that's only a dollar and seven cents and they told me that they don't do the $1 any size drinks anymore so I drove off, already late for school and went to the gas station.

Update!

SOOOOOOOOOOO... its been a long time since I've been on, let me fill you in a little. I am 38 weeks and 1 day, Kiara can come any day now if not then I have two weeks left. I have 105 hours left and I am trying to finish before she is born but if not then I will try my best to do homework while I am away for 6 weeks if not then I will proudly return and finish up quick. Jake and I are going strong, we went to the Ren. Festival a couple weekends ago and we picked out engagement rings, mine was $127.00 and it is a simple one stone (Alexandrite) and it is beautiful and its silver, Jakes is silver and rose gold kind of in a knot looking design, his stone is a Sapphire (Kiara's birth stone) just a little stone and his was $205.00. Lets see, what else could I talk about, hmmmmm. We had my baby shower in July it was July 27th, Jake and I's a year and 8 months and it was fun about three of my friends showed up and the rest was family and my mom's friend's, surprisingly my real dad showed up and that was fun. I got a lot of helpful stuff for Kiara and so far Jake and I set up her bassinet so she has a little bed for when she comes home. I have tons of clothes, Jake's mom is helping me sort through them and putting out the ones she will need right away and putting away the ones she doesn't need until 6-12 months. Our apartment is a little messy but with my nesting I am only concerned about the bathroom and the kitchen, we need to clean our room and rearrange it to have space for her things as well. I have her diaper bag packed for the hospital, it includes: newborn diapers, wipes, bottle, formula, pacifier, a rattle toy, diaper rash cream, two pairs of socks, three onsie outfits, and two pairs of mittens so she doesn't hurt her face. We have the carrier car seat with two bases which will come in handy, and the car seat after she's done in the carrier. We have everything we need. My grandma said she will buy diapers until she's potty trained and that helps us a lot because diapers are expensive and we would need a whole hell of a lot and she understands this. Also I was looking into breast feeding but I am not sure if I am gonna go through with it but I will try it at the hospital if its not my thing then its not my thing, but Jake's mom is gonna help with formula until I contact WIC and tell them my baby was born, then they will give me vouchers to get formula, that is also nice because formula is a lot of money. I have EBT and Cash assistance which is helpful because if I am not working and only Jake is, Jake is only making enough to pay rent and the electric and also his car insurance, the cash would help me if I needed gas, or if Kiara needs something and just stuff like that or if I absolutely need something as well. EBT would help Jake and I a lot because we wouldn't have extra money for food and that's where that comes in to play. So far I am pretty set, the government wants me to look for work 6 weeks after Kiara is born but I at least want to be with my baby for at least 3 months and Jake knows this and is okay with that because day care is expensive and he would rather I watch her and take care of her because hes really scared and he doesn't always trust day care people either and I am okay with that because I want to spend a lot of time with her and so they government has this paperwork I fill out that basically says "leave me alone until my baby is 1" and I can't get a job, my job will be a full time day care for her and Jake is okay with that and I can stop it at any time so I am gonna fill it out and then when Kiara is 3-4 months old then I will tell them Okay I am ready to look for work then they will say "do you have someone watching your baby? if not we can provide day care" so I would say "someone is watching her" and I will have someone that can watch her, watch her. If not then I guess day care I just would rather not. Oh well, time to go.

Engagement Rings.

Jake's mom, Jamie said for now we can use her grandparents rings and Jake's fits him but mine is too big and needs to be resized but Jake is already wearing his and it fits but his knuckle is big so he can't get it off which is good because he shouldn't take it off. But yes I cannot wait.

Kiara Rose Wagner.

We decided to have our baby girl's name to be Kiara Rose Wagner. We are still looking around for names but I think Kiara will be the winner because he is starting to like it more and more each day. Today I am 22 weeks and 2 days, Kiara is 11 inches and almost a pound. She is starting to look like a miniature newborn. Her lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, she's even developing little tooth buds beneath her gum line. If you could see inside the womb you would see a fine hair line, her eyes have formed but the irises still lack pigment. My due date is September 16th 2013 and I have 4 months left, in two weeks I will be 6 months. In July we are having a baby shower and I can't wait. I want to hold her already.

Pretty Soon.

On Saturday April 27th, that will be the day that Jake and I will have fun all day long. Why? because it is our year and 6 months of being together, not too special but it is a year in a half of being together and it is my longest relationship. Things between him and I were shaky the last couple of weeks but it was so cute because all he told me was: "I cannot lose you Krissy, you seriously are my everything and without you I am lost, I am a mess, and I am missing my family. I want to be here to watch my family grow and to be here when you're sad or down to cheer you up and I want to be here for my child and I will not lose both of you. I am being very serious about this and I want to know if you would marry me?" and my heart stopped. He said I know what I did was wrong and it was bad to do that when I was your boyfriend but now as a husband I couldn't live with myself if I did what I had done as your husband. And I just had to say yes because I have loved this kid since I first started talking to him which was 11/26/11 then the next day he came over and hung out for a little bit because I was up north and I got home at 11:30 and he wanted to hang out and smoke a cig and even though we were planning on hanging out the next day he wanted to hang out and my curfew was midnight so we talked outside until then and I hugged him and watched him leave and then I went inside and texted him saying "I really wish I could kiss you" and he said "come outside" and he was right on the street outside of his car and I ran out there and he kissed me and then asked me out and and I said yes and then he kissed me again and he said I will text you until you fall asleep. He was just perfect and I knew from then on that I wanted to be with him forever. Before him I was depressed because every single guy that I had dated since I was 13 cheated on me or used me and I was just to the point where I didn't feel loved anymore and I was alone and I would go to school and come home and sleep and then do it everyday even on the weekends, but after him I have always felt loved and never felt alone and that is why even though I am young and everyone will say "your gonna regret it" I don't care, I want this to work I want this family to work. I don't like my dad because he left me when I was 2 months old and now I can't stand the thought of him because he seriously was never there for me. I don't want that to be the case with Jake and his child. I will try everything I can to make this work and I will try to keep us together.

Life Can Be Rough.

Having a kid is difficult and also can be a hassle. Even the father of my baby can be a real jerk but its hard being parents when your parents at 18. Everything is just not easy and it'll take time until things are fine again because when your young and you find out your pregnant you freak out and do things that you don't want to do or you do things that you regret within time. The thing that sucks for me is that I am starting to get virus's lately I had one when I was 8 weeks along and now at 19 weeks and 3 days.

Set Fire To The Third Bar. -Snow Patrol.

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from 'A' to where you'd be
It's only finger-lengths that I see
I touch the place where I'd find your face
My fingers in creases of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
I, I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I have travelled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted, close our eyelids
And dreaming, pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
And I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

I'm miles from where you are,
I lay down on the cold ground
and I, I pray that something picks me up
and sets me down in your warm arms

Finally Iphone!

So a couple days ago Jake and I and well his mother too, went to the AT&T store and Jake was upgrading his phone to the iphone 5 and it was really nice because his mom out of no where asked how much would it be for me to be put on the family plan and they told her and it was cheap so I had gotten an Iphone 4 and I love it!

Today's Google Pic.

Today I will go onto Google and hit "Feeling Lucky" and show you the pic and also type about it.

Here you go:

Crab Nebula

The Crab Nebula is the remains of a star that died in a supernova so brilliant it was recorded by observers in the year 1054. A neutron star pulses in its center.

Candy Crush Saga, App Game.

This game. This game above. UGH! I got this game last night and I'm hooked that's not the bad part about this game. The bad part is that you only have a certain amount of lives and if you use them all you have to wait until you can gain them, its called Candy Town and there is a clock that goes by seconds and when you run out of lives it will tell you a time and that's when you can play again which is BULL. Its the original get three candy things lined up and it pops that game, its like Jewels but has games within the games. When you are playing it like Jewels they have some of the candy's in something called Jelly and its just a clear outing on the candy (jewels) and you have the break off the jelly to complete the mission but you only have so many times you can move, or they have missions where there are fruit and you have to bring them to the bottom and you only have a certain amount of moves and it sucks. Its a love hate relationship with this game.

Here You Go, You Hungry Minds. Warped Tour 2013 Dates/Bands/Prices.

Warped tour will be taking place in once again Canterbury Park in Shakopee. It starts Sunday July 21st at 11:00 a.m. General admission is $34.50. Bands Playing: Hawthorne Heights, The Early November, Allstar Weekend, Goldflinger, Big D And The Kids Table, Motion City Soundtrack, Chiodos, Reel Big Fish, The Used, 3OH!3, Billy Talent, Story Of  The Year, Bowling For Soup, Woe Is Me, I See Stars, Go Radio, The Story So Far, Like Moths To Flames, Big Chocolate, Stick To Your Guns, Hands Like Houses, Anarbor, Letlive, The Black Dahlia Murder, Wallpaper, VersaEmerge, Upon A Burning Body, Architects, Forever The Sickest Kids, Shy Kidx, Tonight Alive, Action Item, Oh,Sleeper, Middle Finger Salute, While She Sleeps, Man Overboard, RDGLDGRN, Attila, Mac Lethal, MC Lars, The Amity Affliction, The Chariot, For The Foxes, Defeater, New Years Day, The Summer Set, Outasight, Stephen Jacobs, GOLDHOUSE, Five Knives, Bless The Fall, Itch, Echosmith, Alvarez Kings, Young London, We Came As  Romans, Beebs And Her Money Makers, The Wonder Years, Sleeping With Sirens, Kairo Kingdom, Memphis May Fire, HandGuns, Forever Came Calling, Madchild, Never Shout Never, August Burns Red, Black Veil Brides, Bring Me The Horizon, Crizzly, Mighty Mongo, Crossfaith, Citizen, Beware Of Darkness, Heritage, Art Of Shock, Issues, Real Friends, Pacific Dub, Secrets, Strawberry Blondes, The Sheds, Silverstein, Lionz Of Zion, Set It Off, Dose Of Adolescence, Ice Nine Kills, Mixtapes, No Bragging Rights, Texas In July, Super Water Sympathy, The Indecent, New Beat Fund, Volumes, New Empire, The Cleopatra Complex, Driver Friendly, Bangups, Run DMT, Emily's army, The Swellers, Lost In Atlantis, The Exposed, The Aquabats, I Can Make A Mess, Alcoa, Allison Weiss, Billy The Kid, Brian Marquis, Charlie Simpson, Craig Owens, Kevin Seconds, Matt Embree, Monte Pittman, Owen Planet, The American Scene, Vinnie Caruana, William Beckett, Gabe Kubana, Relient K, The Tower And The Fool, Austin Lucas, Crown The Empire, TheCityShakeUp, Gin Wigmore, Falling In Reverse, Beartooth. Phew That's all I hope you all go and enjoy, even though I will be like 6 months pregnant I am going just staying far from Mosh pits lol.

Age Of Majority.

Today I signed up for age of majority at my school and what that does is basically make me the mother of my own school, I can go to my own conferences, call in sick, if I have enough hours this grading period I can leave school early but only if caught up, and much more. Now I finally can feel like my own person. I have to wait until my mom comes down from Osakis to sign it, I'd rather have her sign it and me bring it in person because things can get lost through mail. I have always dreamed of being 18 and now that it actually happened I don't know what to do haha. This year I can vote and buy scratch offs and stuff. Once my baby is born in September I plan on getting my first of many tattoos after the 6 weeks or whatever to get your body back to normal. Now I can go get piercings and tattoos without my mom signing, cause I know for a fact she would probably say no to signing for that because of what happened when I was 16. When I was 16 and had $120 dollars I wanted my lip to be pierced by a tattoo shop, so we went to tatts by zapp in downtown Stillwater and they said since we didn't have the same last name they would need proof that she is my mom so we made several trips to Bayport and back which was 15 minutes both ways, 6 times. We had to bring after all my permit, her drivers license, my birth certificate and her's, also her marriage license to my step dad and to my real dad and finally they let me back there but mom had to come back as well cause I was a minor, she watched even though I told her she could look away and she didn't. We also agreed upon only 1 side of my lip pierced and when they guy said what would you like I said snake bites which is two on each side of the bottom lip and mom almost passed out. It came to $100 even and I payed for that and the cleaning stuff which was the alcohol free mouth wash and the sea salt water thing for the outside of my lips and that pretty much took all my money but I was happy and since then I have craved piercings. People have addictions to odd things or just the normal things but I have an addiction for piercings and stretching my ears. Why? well back in middle school I had only two friends, my friend Jasmine Parmeter and my mom. So I used to be alone because mom would be at work when I came home until late and Jasmine lived 20 minutes away and I never had a ride so I used to cut myself and be all alone in my room day after day and one day I got sick of cutting myself and hated the ugly scars that I still have so I took up hobbies but the thing I really got into was piercings and stretching my ears and that was my escape that was my way of harming myself but having a good outcome and instead of it being an ugly scar now its a piercing I love and enjoy.

Finally 18.

Today is my 18th birthday and I am so excited now no one can look at me and say "wow you're pregnant and still a minor," well I know I am still young for a child but I am finally an adult now and can say at least I'm not like 13 and pregnant. Today I am also 17 weeks pregnant, and this child needs to hurry up. I want to meet it. In 3 weeks I can find out what it is I have an appointment for April 30th to see what my baby is. I really hope its a boy everyone in my household is having dreams that its a boy and so do I. So before I would wear yoga pants or PJ's but Saturday Jake's mom brought me to the MootherHood store in Woodbury and they have skinny jeans with the belly band, finally I am saved. I love skinny jeans and I don't have to go back in when I get bigger cause the lady said that I stay in the jeans I can fit into and that the bigger I get the belly band will help which is awesome cause I don't want to look like a mess everyday and even when I am looking for jobs I need to look somewhat nice and respectful looking. But today is going good so far. Saturday my mom invited my grandma and grandpa, Jake's mom and Jake, and then my brothers and step dad and my moms friend to Olive Garden and it was fun I wasn't feeling the best but I did have fun talking with everyone. I now have a small extended tummy and when I try to suck it in, it won't let me so that means you know that is the baby. Yesterday I have these twitches in my stomach and I thought it was weird and Jake said well maybe its the baby so I looked it up and sure enough it was my baby moving around. Since I am getting bigger my doctor said from now on I should be able to feel my baby and I am excited!

You Are Fired.

So March 19th  I went into work to ask for more hours after my spring break adventure. My friend Emily had said where were you? and I had asked what? she said the day before I had the night shift but never showed up, I went to my boss and had asked why they never called, they always did. He had said that it wasn't up to them to call me that  I should know when I work, which is true but I hadn't looked and then I had asked if I could make up for it, maybe work another shift. My boss had said that won't be necessary and had asked if I would grab everything from my locker and to give my name badge to him. He had said I was late for the last time and that yesterday wasn't making it better. I hadn't worked a lot in the first place and its hard when you live so far away from your work, they had fired me. I went to my car and cried because its already hard that we have to move from Jake's parents house April 1st and it wasn't fair to Jake cause he was the only one working and I was supposed to be helping cause we didn't want to end up homeless, I also cried because its hard waking up and getting to school because I never feel good and that I was failing school and that even when I tried at school I still seemed  to fail. Now the temp agency called Jake two days ago and said that the job he was working at didn't need him anymore and that they would look for another job for him, they called last night and he has to call this place and see if he has the job. Its just scary cause I have no idea what to do, I am hoping that his mom won't tell us to leave the day we are supposed too but they reason why we have to leave is because originally she didn't like the fact I was pregnant and wanted us out but she moved the date we were supposed to later, now she's not mad she cannot wait to see her grandchild but her daughter Claire wants us out because she doesn't like us and that she's a stupid little brat and I am so nice to her everyday and shes just a bitch, excuse my language but its true. I'll keep you updated into what will happen.

A Year & 5 Months.

Today is Jake and I's year and 5 months nothing completely special but we have 7 more months until 2 years and that is what I cannot wait for, I've never been with someone this long and his longest relationship was 6 years but at different times so I'm trying to beat that. I know I'm the right one for him and he knows that as well, we do have arguments but never fight which is good. I just want him to stay because my dad left me when I was 2 months old and I hate him for it. I want Jake to be here for his kid but also with me so that everything appears fine, Jake shows no signs of leaving and he is always telling me that he never will. I want my kid to love his/her dad because I never got that love and I don't want my kids doing what I was doing, I always thought that I had to date someone because I never got that guy love from my own father and I was always ending up getting hurt in the end and I get attached too quick and I don't want my kid doing that because I have bad trust issues and I just worry all the time and I don't want my kid a nervous wreck like me. I want Jake to be there for school events and playing with his child and just to be a huge role in my child's life. I know Jake and I were and still aren't ready for this but we both agreed to stay and there's not much more trouble we could get into because the worst has happened and all we need to do is take the bull by the horns and just deal with it and get through it, I know we can its not always the hardest being parents but it is hard to watch another being but I know we can make it through and Jake realizes that now as well, I have faith in us. Parenting isn't the easiest so I am told and we will never get sleep and we may fight and lose our sanity but its worth it and Jake knows that as well. I have faith in us and so does he.

Some News I Left Out. I'm Pregnant.

Hey there again, so I forgot to tell everyone that I am pregnant. Most of you already know, but for the ones that don't well I am. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed, why? cause its too late now and who cares. I am in my second trimester I am 15 weeks and 2 days. So 3 months and 3 weeks. If I hold my breath I can hear its little heartbeat, that is just so amazing. The doctors said I have a healthy baby, its the right size and the heartbeat is 162 beats per minute and has been that way ever since I was 8 weeks along. My boyfriend and I are really excited, my boyfriend was always at work and he only saw pictures of the baby but hasn't gotten to actually see it moving, when I was 12 weeks along he came to my appointment but thought we were listening to heartbeat and that was it, they surprised him with a free ultrasound and cried when he saw it move. At first Jake was so scared but after a month went by and he realized it wasn't going away he got over it and now is taking care of me when I am my weakest. I didn't plan on getting pregnant but I have the best boyfriend in the whole world who is willing to stay which means everything to me. My friends and Jake think that I am having a boy. My mom and everyone on that side of the family even Jake's mom thinks I'm having a girl. Having a girl would be nice but just think then you have to be scared for her to get pregnant young. I get to find out the sex in 5 weeks. I am so excited.